| mrs sorensen's world |
[20 Feb 2004|11:10pm] |
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the darkness: i believe in a thing called love |
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last month i had a dream with my favorite teacher from my old high school...
i was walking down the street i used to live in puerto rico and i saw her kneeling down tending to her hibiscus flowers. she lived in the same house that my best friend used to live in. i sat down next to her and we began to talk. i told her what a great teacher she was, and soon other students that she had inspired came upon us and gave her thanks. and that was it.
well, a few days ago i remembered the dream and sent her this ( email )
i didnt think that i would get anything back, but a day later i got ( this )
i really appreciated that she remembered me so kindly. she really is a great mentor, the kind of teacher that can change lives.
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| emotion sickness |
[18 Feb 2004|02:55pm] |
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silverchair |
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i wish i wasnt home all alone today. i wish he were here with me. hes made me realize so much about myself, why i make myself unhappy. last night we got into a big fight and i realized that i should really stop holding in my feelings. my whole life ive only confided in myself. i dont trust people to know when im upset or angry and i just bottle things in until they finally come out and its always in a negative way. i just get so mad or upset and i start lashing out. its not fair to myself because i force myself to accept things that i shouldnt and its not fair to those that care about me because im keeping them away from my feelings yet i wont hesitate to take my anger out on them.
when we were talking last night i just... i dont know. it was likei let go of everything i had been holding in and i just cried and cried so hard and i couldnt stop and he held me and i felt safe. my mom heard me crying and she came in the room and started yelling because she wanted to know why i was crying. she thinks he made me cry. this morning she didnt say one word to him and she was so mad. she doesnt understand whats going on with me and shes upset that i dont trust her. alvaro felt uncomfortable so hes going to stay over steves house tonight.i feel so horrible. i trie dto talk to her and explain it but its so hard. she was listening but nothing was sinking in she kept saying how i have low self esteem and that i need to make goals for myself so i can go to college and have a good future. i wanted to stab her. wat the fuck does that have to do with anything that i told her?! its not fucking about me going to college its about the fact that i cant fucking interact with people like a normal human being and she just doesnt get it! everything i say to her gets misrepresented and jumbled and turned around. she gets mad over the most insignificant things and i know she resents alvaro because she feels that i trust him more than her. and its true, i do. for the simple fact that she just... ugh. she doesnt get it. and now because of her stupid attitude the only person i want to be with and have hold me and talk to is not going to be here because he feels unwanted. i feel so bad. im sick and lonely and all i can do is cry. now i have to wait till my mom comes home so that i can try to work things out with her and i wont be able to see alvaro until tomorrow night probably and i just have to wait shit out and my ears wont pop and im so alone.
its going to be a long day.
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[18 Feb 2004|01:38am] |
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im just tired of this. tired of everything.
maybe it is just my illness talking, but i dont think i am happy, not really.
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| update + self-analytical ramblings |
[16 Feb 2004|07:24pm] |
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♥ valentines day went rather well. i got all perdy and gave alvaro his gifties and a special favor;] he gave me a rose (which we later gave to my mommie), a big chocolate heart, and... chocolate covered strawberries! wow the strawberries were sooo good i had been fiending for them and he remembered and bought me some. so i got good candy and extra good lovin;]
now i am kind of sick. yesterday i got the ill headache and it took 2 tylenols, a blunt, and a painkiller to make me feel better. i woke up with stuffy nose and i feel really weak.
i feel that theres something on my mind and im not quite sure if it is bothering me or not. perhaps it is something that i must come to terms with or maybe it is something that i need to see change. i guess i have to let these vauge thoughts and ideas fester and rearrange until they become something comprehensive in my minds eye. at this point i am still unsure as to wether these thoughts brewing in my head will require a course of action or not. is it worth the insecurity and turmoil to see a difference or would it be best to leave things as they are, stagnant and unchanging. for now i suppose its best to wait and see how satisfied i can be in the present state. sometimes i wish that i could just say/do what i feel, as i feel it. have the ability to be completely open regarding what goes through my mind. more times than not i choose to disregard my own feelings in order to keep things at balance, and i am succesful in this endeavor; but while everything around me remains stablilized, my heart is wrenched and my thoughts disorgainized because i dont know if what i feel is justified. i am reminded of a message from the joy luck club... the chinese way of thought, of self-containment. that it is better to hide away ones feelings in order to unleash them at an opportune moment. but if these thoughts are never revealed, what must it do to the person hiding behind the facade of smiles and contenment? i suppose i will have to keep analyzing my situation in order to come to a resolution for myself in hopes of maintaining my happiness and well-being. hopefully the answers wont escape me this time.
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| pointless |
[13 Feb 2004|03:01am] |
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boys night out |
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i cut the faces out of photographs so traces of your life will turn up traceless with your death deprived of stasis. so sleep secure and rest assured, youre beautiful with the trigger pulled
anywhoo...
i told some friends that im a drug dealer and they believed me suckas! yeah so i sold some weed and now ive run out but they keep calling me lol i think that we should seriously become drug dealers cuz my friends are stupid and wed make alot of moneys ;]
i made alvaro an lj today also and used my limited html skills to make him a pretty decent layout. eh, its okay. his username is ![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) poach_eggz lol
yeah, so i was thinking about this the other day and i have decided that i want a hamster. and i want to get it one of those cool cages with all the colorful tubing < random>i say it "tooooobing"< /random>. my first hamster i ever had was HERBIE and HERBIE was the best hamster evAR. it was more like a dog than a member of the rodent famBly. he never bit me or peed on me or ran away and was always playful and cute and cuddly. years later i realized that he was actually a she after noticing that all my other male hamsters would get horny and their big pink balls would pop out :O ew. whatever, HERBIE was my favorite she-male;]
now im going to leave you all with a pickature of ( my hunnay on his tiny byke )
♥
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| 52!! |
[10 Feb 2004|06:18pm] |
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guilty |
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i have alot of time on my hands so im going to start updating this shite for real now. hmph!
damn i feel like such an asshole.
alvaro had me call his school to find out if he finally passed his math regents because he was too nervous to call. well, i called and he was short of passing by only 3 points so the head of the math department lady said she would look the test over and see if she could find 3 extra points. about 2 hours later i called again to find out if she had passed him, and she said that he didnt make it :(
now i feel horrible because when i told him the news i was so sleepy from smoking and i just told him the bad news and went back to sleep instead of trying to cheer him up or comfort him. when i woke up at 5 he had left, probably to go biking. but still, he didnt say bye or anything.
gaah im such a butthole.
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| hello my name is distance |
[16 Dec 2003|12:01am] |
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from autumn to ashes |
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i multi-tasked during math. i was able to write my notes and learn the lesson while simultaneously playing handgman with stru. he almost beat me because i couldnt guess his cereal. it was MULTI GRAIN CHEERIOS. who eats that shit anyways? wheres all the artificial goodness??
alvaro came over today. we watched xmen. hmm.
maybe its just my imagination, but it seems to be going further away instead of drawing closer. hello, my name is distance. things seem to be changing lately and not for the better. isnt that how it always goes? maybe its me and maybe its you. i guess for now well wait to see how it turns out.
my new friend from skool is cool. hes sending me pics of his man boobies. so funny. his "special pictures" lol if only i had some girlfriends to hook him up with... ladies, where are you??!
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| as every day passes i become increasingly more emo |
[16 Oct 2003|02:53pm] |
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thursday: porcelain |
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i had such an awesome time yesterday;D;D;D
i saw thursday perform acoustically at the apple store in manhattan yesterday. my cousin gerson and i were some of the first people there so we got free posters and guaranteed seats to see the performance. we waited close to 5 hours to see them but it was so worth it. geoff is a beautiful singer, his voice is incredible! i was a bit skeptical to see them since it was going to be acoustic, but wow! it was amazing! they were great, and he sang with so much pure emotion, i thought he was going to break down sobbing, if he had cried, i wouldve shed tears as well. hes such a moving singer... and we made so much eye contact the whole time... maybe it was because i was in the center seat and directly in his field of vision.. or maybe it was because he fell in love with me... but throught the last song whenever his eyes were open, they were on me the whole time. i was captivated. i love being in the center seat. hot jonathan went as well and he got the bands autograph. but i dont mind, cuz i'm no stalker.
or am i? you be the judge:
while i was on the line waiting for the show, who would happen to walk by me?? none other than benicio del torro! ♥ my fucking dream man. i noticed him and i started shreaking... i had no idea my voice could even go that high. i dont know what came over me, but he is so fucking sexy i couldnt help but squeek like a fucking maniac. i tapped him and screached out a super annoying "OMG. HI!!!!!" and he looked at me with his beautiful eyes and cooly said... are you ready for this... "hey, whats up?" OMG. i went crazy! i ran up to my friend bhagli, gave her a huge hug (cuz shes also a crazy benny torro fan) and we decided to jump out of line and follow him and his father. i think we scared him cuz he heard us screaming and ran into a restaurant lololol but at least we werent the only creepy stalkers, some guys we thought were with him told us that they had been following him for 4 blocks hahaha but yo.. after that, i couldnt even breathe. my heart was beating so fast and my legs were fucking shaking. *swoon*
so ive been job hunting lately, cuz im broke like woah and my mom is becoming broke as well and i dont want to keep asking her for monies:( i applied to a little cell phone place, LTR Jeans, Bang Bang, Petland Discounts, Sears, and Modell's. Later today im going to a few pet stores around my neighborhood to see if they need people. i was an animal science major in my old high school so that might help me out:\ its so hard looking for jobs when youve never had one before. no one wants to hire people that lack experience, but then how will i ever get experience if no one will hire me??? lets think philosophically *ponders*
oh and i found out that tix to the thursday/coheed and cambria show arent sold out after all. i can still get them from ticketmaster, just not the venue's box office. that means i have to pay an extra six dollars for the fucking ticketmaster charge. JERKS. but at least i can see the show now. whoo-hoo!
♥
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| weekend update |
[14 Oct 2003|03:42pm] |
fun was had this weekend.
friday desire came to visit from Penn State University, cuz shes a smartie like that;D to celebrate, she invited all of D.A.M.A.S. over to her house for dinner. it was so much fun hanging with the ladies again. i was trying to watch real women have curves cuz ive been dying to see that movie but these damn beetches kept talking. grr. but we're so hilarious together. my stomach still hurts from laughing so much. i should hang out with them more often. maybe i'll lose my gut :O the food was delicious too, her granny is a good cook. oo yeah and the girls all loved my black hair even tho it makes me look all pale:)
saturday i went with rui rui and tony to this place called Sofa Cafe. we met up with shappy, syed and his friend asad there. shappy's pretty much the same chubby blonde boy, except now he has grown an impressive chin-gina. i had a pina colada, virgin, cuz no one had a fake id >:o but it was delicious. yumm. the atmosphere was really nice, it was all dark and smelled of incense and had comfy chairs, couches, ottomans, carpets, and you could play chess. they also had great music and a projector showing random images, cartoon and black and white shorts, funny commercials, it was great:) we spent like 2 hours there just chilling.
after the cafe syed and asad left cuz they had to go to mosque and be good muslims. i couldnt believe they chose allah over me! but at least he called me back after 5 minutes to tell me he loves me, aww<3 anyways, the rest of us went to the movies to see kill bill. before the movie started, we saw the trailer for LOTR: Return of the King. wow. it was beautiful! it actually brought tears to my eyes. dec 17. i have to mark that on my calendar. i cant wait to see it. (i=dork). ok, so the movie was really good. it had an awesome sountrack, of course, it was made my RZA from wu-tang so it had to be good. the movie was very stylishly directed. it was so very violent. but it was interesting because it was done in anime style, so body parts were flying everywhere and blood would gush unrealistically like water fountains. i hope that didnt ruin anything for anyone :\ either way, it comes highly recommended by me, and i have good taste in movies dammit! so go see it! the only thing that bothers me is that it will be in 3 parts, and i cant wait until the next "volume" comes out. weeeee!
sunday was good too. i went and visited kelbin and rudy. i brought over the movie swing kids and forced kelbin to watch it. he was iffy about it at first because its a drama, but he ended up loving it. its a great movie. so sad. fucking nazis. the guys bought scarface, so after we got food we watched that too. i fell asleep cuz i was tired>.< kelbin, rudy, and ernest are selling trees now. its kind of weird. i hope they dont get themselves into any trouble :\ i was around all their weed and i had no desire to smoke. go me!
oh yeah, and jonathan called me on sunday:)
♥
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| "i know a girl, who sells herself around... |
[09 Oct 2003|04:41pm] |
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glassjaw: ry ry's song |
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and i'm sure that one day, shell sign autographs in your town."</i>
prostitution is a state sponsored career in the state of nevada. there are ranches where prostitutes can do their thing within a safe haven and supervised conditions. the state government tests these legal protistutes for std's to ensure their safety and the safety of their clients.
i heard on the radio today that there have been talks to possibly legalize prostitution in the state of new york. there were arguments for both sides...
on the pro-prostitution side, people stated that it was safer to legalize prostitution as it would be monitered and supervised by the state government to ensure the prostitutes were std free and living in a safe, violence-free environment. they said that in the parts of nevada were prostitution was legal, that reported cases of rape were almost non-existant. that is to say, that men would be less sexually frustrated and aggressive towards females if they were able to have acess to sex easily and legally.
on the anti-legalizing side, one woman said that legalizing prostitution would promote infedility amongst married couples and people in monogamous relationships. in my opinion, that is a weak argument to say the least.
ok, so heres what i think of all this... i think that prostitution is one of the most immoral, degrading, detremental things of our society. ones body is a temple and should be treated with respect. it is not to be given out and sold like a piece meat for anyone with a derranged sexual appetite. if the government is so concerned with keeping people safe from stds and rape and violence, then they should put the money that they are using into keeping "bunny ranches", into something that would actually help elevate and educate the people, instead of something that will degrade and objectify them. maybe theyve failed to notice that most prostitutes start as teenage runaways who turn tricks because they have no homes, no education, and no other means to support themselves than by selling their bodies to any sleazebag with cash and depraved sex drive. since when is the government unconcered with morality? states will ban gay marriages and abortion, deeming such things immoral and "against God", yet they are so easy to let women put themselves down by having sex for money. i know that not all prostitutes are women, but the unfortunate fact is, that most of them are women, and it is the stereotypical vision of a prostitute that we have: an uneducated woman with no other options. it all boils down to the fact that women have less opportunites than men, they expect less from us. so of course its no big deal to let a woman sell herself around, its no concern to the people in power. upper class, middle-aged white men who dont give two shits about the poor people that they are putting down. not to mention that men would be the ones in control of all of this, male pimps who supposedly care for and "manage" these women. if prostitution becomes a legal act, something found socially acceptable, just imagine how that is going to aid negative views of women. men control us, they can sell us as they wish. the social implications that it would have are both unlimited and horrifying. besides that, so maybe legalizing prostitution would indeed be safer healthwise, but what happened to eliminating it as a whole? legalizing prostitution would only encourage it, and what will come after that? what would our society be like? "oh brave new world, that has such people in it!" wouldnt it be better to set up safe havens for runaways, homeless shelters, work aid programs, educational facilities... i mean, wouldnt that help society as a whole, not only the individuals themselves?? am i crazy to think that these people, deserve better?? not to be limited to what life and poor luck has given them, but to rise above it and become educated, enlightened individuals. be able to do something worthile, ensure a better future for themselves, and ultimately, for humanity.
arg. sorry for the rant. i had to let my voice be heard!
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[28 Sep 2003|05:59am] |
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Fraudulent
Miracles, Make Miracles Seem Shit
Rice Paper Princess (I Guess too poor for flesh...fuck you)
In the mist above perfection
Rain On The Parade
Me that's crowding daylight
and the hole inside the hood of a saint
And never the two shall meet
Said the tiger to its greatest fan
The amount of love you wish to give is more than i can stand
and now you leave me in defeat
leave me battered, broken man
The amount of love you wish to give is more than i can stand
Now I have you where I want you
I know that you are listening
This is my chance to tell you everything
my chance to tell you I love you
but I've waited too long
Now the record's over
Now the record's over
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| i love coheed and cambria |
[25 Sep 2003|02:33am] |
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word.
i had so much fun at the concert. i dont even know where to start. well, i went to the knitting factory with christian from 36 deadly fists. in case youre wondering, his band is a staple in the new york hardcore scene. he knows my friends, but it was the 1st time i ever met him. he was so super nice, despite the violent angry music he plays -hehe- we got along really well, hes mad cool. and ohh shit. he knows daryl plaumbo, lead singer of glassjaw and my rockstar obsession. he knows him from way back in the day, and he offered to introduce me to him. i gracefully declined seeing as i dont want to make an ass out of myself. id rather worship him from afar. im no stalker!
christian works at the knitting factory he got vera and i on the guest list and we strolled in like VIP while all the cute emo kids had to wait in line and pay... ha! i felt so elite:D i met up with my net buddy ronald. we know the same people and always end up at the same concerts and parties but never met until now. hes really cool. i also hooked up this boy ray john with a ticket to the show since they were sold out. cuz im crazy nice and oh, so cool.
anyways. the opening bands were bad. 3 and boys night out SUCK! ha! but christian had gotten vera and i jack&coke and i also had a cosmopolitan so i was feeling gooooood and i danced for boys night out even tho they sucked my balls. while i was in the pit this hot boy kept staring at me and before coheed came on he finally came and talked to me:) we chilled the whole concert together and he asked for my # at the end of the night. i felt so guilty tho, cuz im in love with another maaaan! well. at least i met someone new and im in the process of moving on... hopefully. well see if he calls me or not. if he doesnt i really dont care, im not sure if i would ever do anything with him. cuz i only love one asshole. dammit.
well, besides that, the show was nothing short of amazing. it was, dare i say, beautiful. they opened with "time consumer" and they played all my favorite songs, except "neverender" :\ but its all good. claudio played the guitar with his TEETH. it was great. the drummer was playing so hard that he cut open his hand and started bleeding. how awesome is that. i was dancing with all my might! some kid did a stage dive into the circle pit and while he came down i got kicked in the head, and it felt great! haha! and to top the night off, claudio did an encore of "junesong provision" and they NEVER do encores. it was sooo wonderful:) and at the end of the show i got to meet him and he signed my cd booklet :D i was satisfied. it was one of the best shows ive ever been to:)
i woke up the next morning at 8 even tho i went to sleep at 4am. the reason being that my body was so sore from the concert that i was in too much pain to sleep. im not used to that kind of rigorous physical activity because i am the lazy. my calves, hips, butt, back and arms ache like crazy. i have bruises on my forearms and legs... and i love each and every single ounce of pain. i love feeling sore after concerts. it reminds me of all the fun i had<3
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| countdown to co&ca: 3 days |
[20 Sep 2003|07:40am] |
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thrice: phoenix ignition |
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i wont really bother to update this considering the last 7 days have been pretty weak, aside from one *spectacular event*
...
le sigh
...
i promised someone that i would try to stop smoking so much, and lo and behold the opportunities for free marijuana arise. but thanks to a little thing i like to call will power, i have been able to resist temptation. go team!
i might go to a hookah bar tonight with steve. in his words, "it's dope." hopefully getting drunk beforehand. oh, the joy of alcohol.
im going to see coheed & cambria at the knitting factory on tuesday with vera, wilmer, and ronald and whoever else decides to come along. can u say... anticipation??
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| i love reggeaton<3 |
[17 Sep 2003|01:10am] |
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music |
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las guanabanas: 'te la presento |
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to_be_fine tried to make my journal pretty but along the line something went wrong haha so now my friend's page is all screwy, so yeah... i need help!
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| im sooo awake |
[15 Sep 2003|08:58am] |
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restless |
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glassjaw: midwestern stylings |
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my stomach is hurting and i couldnt sleep all night. i cant stop my mind from thinking. i wish i were able to just shut it off sometimes. shut out the thoughts that are constantly racing thru my mind. if only it were that easy.
i feel like everything in my life is at a standstill. im not going to school yet, i dont have a job... and amongst other things, i dont have love. at least, not the way i want to have it. everythings just so... stagnant. it feels like im just waiting for the time when i can actually DO something. in my current situation i have nothing. nothing significant. well, of course i have my friends and family. i know that if i lose everything, i'll always have them. but lately ive been feeling as if its not enough. i want more. im not yet sure what i want more of tho. be it an academic accomplishment, success in the workforce, or a hot boyfriend hehe, i just need something. something to make me feel like... wow, things are alright.
rewind. stop. play tape.
saturday nite i chilled w/ hector da molestor. hector da garbage collector. yeah. u know. hector. we copped trees from denilson and smoked around the hoood. hehe it was my 1st time smoking w/ hector. that kid got maaaaad blazed. it was funny, he got so quiet. i made him come w/ me while i ate. omg. i ate so much. munchies are the reason that im so phat mwahaha. oo yea so i went to the pizza place on northern and 82 and made friends w/ the italians hehe then we went to white castle. i was that damn hungry. i actually ate nasty white castle food. it wasnt that bad actually. gotta love those chicken rings;D but omg when i was walking on northern i really wanted to dieeeee. there were so many amazingly hot guys out that nite, in front of where castle heights used to be. if only i hadnt been so high, maybe i wouldve macked it to them haha. yeah rite. newayzzz...
last nite i went to redzone to see some bands w/ lesbo. junior drove me on the q29 again, he sez i look like sandra bullock:\ meh. i guess its a compliment?? he taught me how to spot chickenheads. yes. this will come in handy... redzone was preeetty boring! i thought it was gonna be good, but rematch and through the discipline canceled, so it was only 3 bands: heartbeat still (omg dennis and duz are supa hot), stifling neglect, and 36 deadly fists. i was hoping that sarahsusie would come w/ me cuz she looooooves 36deadly fists, but no one picked up the phone. wassup w/ that?? neways, i realized that i really like stifling neglect. ive been seeing them at shows for yeeaars but like, it finally hit me. like woah. these guys actually have TALENT. they dont sound like every other hardcore band, and even a musically challenged idiot like myself can see the skill in their performance. im acquainted w/ their guitarist, chris, but my goal is to be friends w/ their singer cuz he just seems like a funny kid hehe he reminds me of sid from toy story! when we were coming home lesbo bought me macdonalds:) and i ate it:) and it was good:)
yes. that was another pointless rant.
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[11 Sep 2003|01:50am] |
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coheed&cambria: neverender |
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if anyone listens to coheed and cambria then sign up for the street team!
join now!
even if u havent heard of them, sign up! it would help me win a nifty prize;D
but besides that theyre a really amazing band....
so check em out!
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| girlie emotions |
[09 Sep 2003|12:34am] |
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thoughtful |
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onelinedrawing: true love |
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today was a loooong day:\
i was feeling better tho. i felt more at ease with myself. a little less like my heart was sinking. it was hard, but vera was so depressed, so i was able to put my thoughts aside so that i help comfort her and give advice. im glad that i was able to help my friend in her time of need.
on a side note... i really love knowing that i can help my friends when they need it. i notice that i really value friendship so much, above many other things. i always think that i would like someone to be there for me when i need a shoulder to cry on, so im glad that i can provide that for my friends. i truly love them all so much<3<3<3
neways. so as i was talking to vera and seeing how much emotion and love that she feels for veebe it made me long for something of my own. i fully understand that the kid of love she has for him is whats causing her so much pain, and its a terrible thing to go through. but i also understand the kind of comfort and joy that it can bring as well.
i myself have never been one for flowery declarations of love. ive always felt that, it was all pretty silly to tell you the truth. but as i heard her talk, it made me realize that its something that i wish that i had.
ive thought that i was in love, never truly having known wat it is. and afterwards realizing that it never was. and i honestly think that i may actually have found it. the love that i so often misinterpreted was finally clearly defined to me. in front of my very eyes. but i suppose things dont always work out the way you would like them to. and the harsh reality is that the person that u love wont always love u back.
and its oh, so sad.
and as vera and i walked down the streets today, we were walking together, yet we were so alone. we watched happy couples strolling by "in the sunshine" as vera said, holding each other, smiling, laughing. and we wished that we could have what they have.
ive really never had a boyfriend that i felt so strongly about. no one that i wanted to be all cuddly and lovey-dovey with. its sad really. "oh, so sad." that when i finally feel that i want to be open with someone, all they want to do is hide. hide their feelings, hide and supress watever we could've become. but i cant take that kind of uncertainty any longer.
now i want love.
my girlie emotions have been unleashed.
with a vengance!
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| hurting and shoving |
[08 Sep 2003|01:46am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
crushed |
] |
( the calm before the storm )
friday nite was terrible for me. i cried over this asshole, bc... i dont even know why. he was being a jerk as usual. but things have changed for me. i feel like reality has slapped me in the face. he really doesnt care. as much as i love him, i know inside my heart that he doesnt give a shit about me. i wont deny myself what i know inside is true, i wont deny everything that i feel for him. but i guess i have to learn not to care.
i
am
</3>
but things will get better... b/c they cant get worse rite?? saturday i was pretty down. very down indeed. but luckily my new friend junior called me out, we chilled the whole nite. we mugged a drunk mexican! he didnt have ne money tho, haha but it was fun. being with him was nothing special. but it served as a distraction from thinking about asshole. id forgotten that guys can actually be nice. that they can be sweet and treat u well. that they can keep their word. that they can make u smile, and not just be sad all the time.
but the sad irony is that i dont want another guy to treat me well. i just want him. and i wish that i could make him feel everything that i feel. but... hes just cold. emotionless.
i wish that i could write better. but right now my thoughts are scattered.
all i want is to forget.
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| my snotty adventures |
[04 Sep 2003|10:15pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 sick |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
red hot chili peppers: cant stop |
] |
i really have nothing to write, but since lj has this newfangled layout i really have the urge to post an entry... so here i am!
im pretty sick. ive been on the verge of a fever for 2 days thanks to freaking gerson. he just moves in here and spreads his yucky germs all over my bed and makes a big mess in my room and tries to put his boogers on me. :O
ive basically done nothing for the past 2 days b/c of the following reasons:
a) im sick
b) im lazy
c) im a loser and no one loves me:(
hopefully tomorrow will be more eventful. kelbino has invited me to smoke:) or i might to w/ gerson to some kegger. either way, im determined to have at least one night of fun before skool starts.
mark my words!!!
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| is it all you've shared with them that makes us paranoid?? |
[03 Sep 2003|06:17am] |
| [ |
mood |
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awake |
] |
| [ |
music |
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deftones: fireal |
] |
i decided that this is going to be my journal to complain about my love life... or lack thereof?? all my personal bullshit is gonna go here from now on, in friends only posts of course. yep. thats my final answer. but for now heres a recycled entry from my ( deadjournal )
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